My new doctor is amazing, you guys. Thyroid test in process, new meds to help with weight, anxiety, sleep and depression.
Guys, thank you. Thank you, thank you <3 I love you, and I’m doing better. I’m getting the help I need.
sorry guys. I’m not ok. I’m going to a new doc come monday. I just—I can’t lose weight, and I want to kill myself. Awesome.
hey so I don’t know why many of you are following me since this blog has becoming nothing more than the place where I vent my desperation and anxiety
something people who know me gotta know about me is that I grew up with a very specific conditioning—and this isn’t just childhood. It’s stretched into adulthood and I expect it to continue.
I will always fuck something up, and people will always get sick of me. I don’t do it on purpose—in fact I do absolutely everything I can to KEEP it from happening, but it always does. Eventually there will be that moment when a person or group of people who have been putting up with me finally snaps and tells me what they really think, and the basic assumption is that’s what *everybody* thinks
so when it happens, it’s nearly impossible to drag myself out of it. I’m so humiliated I can’t even look anyone in the face
like I said last night, I promised my mom that I wouldn’t kill myself, and I keep my promises. but I frankly really, really hate myself, and I am terrified of myself.